Beijing jing jing

Probably not the most appropriate photo or best representation of Beijing, but if you were a twenty-four year old and saw a subway station with a name like that you'd of done the same.

To the North American world it’s Chinese New Year, to the other 1.2 billion or so Asians it’s Lunar New Year. Calling it Lunar New Year is the least you could do for countries like East Timor and the 1,084,000 East Timorese who celebrate this festive occasion. Semantics aside, a group of teachers from our school decided that there would be no better place to jubilate than the epicentre of Lunar New Year – Beijing.


I am glad I went to Beijing simply to debunk any myths and preconceptions I may have had about China. Beijing might just be the most developed looking city I have ever visited. Everything looks immaculate on the outside and the architecture is modern, eclectic and brilliant. There are McDonald’s and KFCs everywhere and a few Starbucks are rearing their caramel, frappuccino, latte heads. Beijing was a city of cell-phones, iPods, MTV and brand new and brand named cars. Not something I expected from a communist nation. It was hard to know if all of these changes were merely an impressive facade that will hopefully fool the world when everyone is tuned in this summer to watch the Olympics, or whether this nation is merely booming. Although I only spent five days there, I am inclined to feel it is the latter. Watch out for China. It’s going to get big (and I don't mean population) in a hurry!


But don’t trust my weary tourist eye. Here are some recent facts from the BBC: China’s exports in January increased 26.7% to $109.7 billion, the biggest year-on-year rise in six months. Imports rose 27.6% to $90.2 billion, the biggest increase in almost two years.


Inside the Forbidden City. The biggest maroon wall I've ever seen. Aquamarine no, I've seen bigger, but maroon, yes the biggest wall I've seen.

But it must be said that I only saw urban China and not rural China. Urban China is home to the rich and multi-national corporations. Rural China, home to about 700 million people, is not an idyllic and bucolic place like it is in the developed world. It is place where people don’t want to be, and in the last 10 years somewhere between 100 and 150 million fled the countryside and headed towards the city. After being to Beijing I can imagine why so many would make this their destination.


I’ll skip giving you the details chronologically, but Beijing was good to the six of us. First we went to Tiananmen Square. I had this great idea for a perfect photo op, but it proved a bit more difficult to get my hands on three tanks then I imagined. We managed to enter the Forbidden City on New Year’s Day and celebrate with what seemed like 908.5 million other Chinese people. As we were walking around, I noticed a basketball court inside the Chinese imperial palace (the most obvious place for a basketball court) and two Chinese guards shooting some hoops. I could resist giving them the “hey, my basketball brethren can we shoot around?” They understood and accepted the international nod, and in no time we were playing three on three inside the Forbidden City with two out of uniform Chinese Army men. They were really good and really tall (another myth) and from this point on, we shall refer to the one guy as Yao Ming.


Because it was Lunar New Year and we were in the country that invented, and is synonymous with, fireworks, there were explosions for two straight days. It didn’t matter that it was noon and nobody could appreciate the colours, the fact that the boom right beside you might actually cause your colon to have an unexpected movement seemed a good enough reason to ignite fireworks all day. By the second day it almost became a peaceful background noise, even at three in the morning. Of course we couldn’t shy away from the fun ourselves.


Blackcats are fun. So are 12,000 of them.

Being in Beijing it almost goes without saying that we visited the Great Wall of China. This structure lives up to its name. It was incredibly beautiful. I still can’t get over how this wall endlessly snakes over the mountainous, country terrain of China. To me it seemed somewhat useless to build a wall, seeing as how the mountains were a natural defence, but I guess I wasn’t there trying to keep those tenacious Mongol’s out of the country all those years ago. Coming in a close second to the wall was the way we made out exit. All great wonders of the world should have zip lines that let you plummet and soar over a lake as you take in the sights of an international spectacle. For $6 this is exactly what we got to do.




Kelly and I zip-lining off the Great Wall. Now that's an exit!

The weekend after this, five of us decided to go skiing and snowboarding one last time before the weather started to turn. We went to a resort called Yongpyong. Now of course you’ve never heard of it, but this place lost to Vancouver by three votes to host the 2010 Olympics. It’s a pretty serious ski hill and you can understand why I wanted to go. After going skiing twice in your life, you really do start to demand and deserve the best. Like all third time skiers I was completely entitled to Olympic class skiing. An excellent day on the slopes, and when the hills are that high, and excellent day on the lifts.



The best (and most co-ordinating) outfit the rental people at Yongpyong could lend me. Despite feeling like a banana dildo all day, I was easily recognizable by my friends.

That’s all for now,

Amatorially,

Mangina

No crowd allowed!?

If you’ve ever thought about getting into promotions and organizing local, cultural events, than Korea is where you will find nirvana. Korea is a densely populated country, in fact, as far as large sized countries go, it’s second only to Bangladesh. Ergo when there is an event or a small town hullabaloo to attend, it often attracts quite a crowd. Now, I don’t want to sound pessimistic, but it’s almost as if you don’t need to have much of an allurement to draw in the Korean masses. A traditional Korean toothpick jamborre would probably cause millions to flock to a secluded hamlet for the festivities.


It was about 3.5 hours quicker to walk to the winter festival than wait in a vehicle on this two lane road.

Case in point was the 15th annual Taebaek Winter Festival a group of us attended during the last week of January. It was what one might expect at a winter festival, save the 343.7 million other Koreans who decided to take in some ice sculptures, snow and sledding.


There's more disorder voting in the state of Flordia than there is sledding in Korea.

I have to say that I miss a good old Canadian tobogganing. After seeing all the orderliness and rules here in Korea, I have to conclude that a little chaos is what makes the sledding experience. I am all for kids walking right back up the middle of the hill (you only have to get hit once to learn to walk along the sides). In Korea there are whistles, line-ups and precautions to make sure you don’t go too fast. I am not sure if this country missed the winter memo on sledding, but attaining terminal velocity is the only objective when going down a hill on a lubricious piece of plastic.


This was the post line-up after we bought tickets, but the pre line-up to see Van Gogh's work.

Another example of how a Korean crowd can hamper a good outing was the Van Gogh exhibit. The Korean Museum of Art is fortunate enough to be hosting a collection of this Dutch artist’s masterpieces. A group of us decided that it would be silly not to attend while Vincent’s works were in town. Apparently half of Seoul also didn’t want to feel silly either. So we had to fight through the crowds to catch a glimpse of the artwork. It took forever to get around the 67 piece exhibit. Van Gogh, more like Van Stop... oh snap. Since I had plenty of time to look at the pamphlet while walking around the museum, I learned a few little things about Mr. Van Gogh. He did all of his art work in only 10 years. I guess that means after I finish this blog and my stint in Korea I only have 9 years left to etch "Horsewood" in the literary canon. Perhaps readership might improve if slice a little piece of my ear off?


In conclusion, you can’t escape people in this country. It’s small enough that you can drive from one end of the country to the other in six hours and one side to the other in four, yet big enough to house almost 1.5 times the population of all of Canada.


While others spent most of the weekend wondering why a 24 year old was wearing snowpants... this one moment silenced all the critics.

I would also just like to comment on how difficult it is to learn this recalcitrant language we know as English. Often foreign teachers make comments about our students not being able to understand simple concepts and construct fluent sentences. But when you stop and examine the language we take for granted it really is hard to blame our little pupils. Nothing is for certain, and rarely is there a definite rule. While I could list hundreds of exceptions, I have to admit that teaching vocabulary and phrases about space and the planets has been difficult. The articles “the” and “a” are already difficult enough to explain and understand.

Student: “I have the dog at my house.”
Try and explain why that should be “a” dog.

Student: “Apple is delicious”
Teacher: “You can’t say 'apple.' If you can see the apple or if you are talking about a specific apple then you say ‘the apple’, but if you’re just talking about any apple than it’s ‘an apple.’ Do you understand?”
Student: “What does specific mean?”
Teacher: “Apple is delicious... good answer.”



I think you can see why it’s hard enough to understand the difference between those two, but then there are weird planet exceptions.

Teacher: “What planet is this?”
Student: “Earth”
Teacher: “Good. Now make a sentence with earth.”
Student: “Earth spins once in 24 hours.”
Teacher: “Good try, but we say, ‘The earth spins once in 24 hours,’ because there is only one earth.

Teacher: “What planet is this?”
Student: “Jupiter”
Teacher: “Great. Can you use it in a sentence?”
Student: “The Jupiter is big.”
Teacher: “We don’t say The Jupiter.”
Student: “But there is only one Jupiter.
[long pause and tumbleweed]
Teacher: “What is this?”
Student: “Sun”
Teacher: “The Sun.”

Student: “When I grow up I want to go into the space.”
Teacher: “We don’t say ‘the space,’ we just say space because it isn’t specific.”
Student: “But what about ‘the’ atmosphere?”
Teacher: [almost inaudible whisper] "um... shit..."
Student: "Teacher, What shit mean?"
*****Curtain*****

Libidinously,

Woodrow

Don’t you hate it when you’re sea kayaking in Ha Long Bay, a UNESCO World Heritage site in Quang Ninh province in Vietnam, tip your vessel when you almost crash into a gondola filled with tourists and have to use a laminated worksheet you forgot to give one of your students as a wallet? If I had dime for every time that happened...


My new wallet. Is that Hugo Boss or Armani?


Kelly and I approaching a "cave" and a gondola: see the left of image. I was too busy taking pictures of the cave to notice that we were heading straight towards this other boat. Kelly decided to avoid it by leaning over to the right. We successfully avoided the other ship in the safety of the water. This was also the last photo her camera took and the last dry moment my wallet ever knew.


We decided to try the imfamous stinky fruit. A bit of a misnomer though. It should be called repugnant and nothing more, because nothing in the fruit family should need an enema.

After Cambodia our gang took a quick trip to Vietnam and moseyed around Hanoi and the aforementioned Ha Long Bay. Hanoi was an interesting and bizarrely dichotomous city; you knew there was poverty all around you, but it you couldn’t stare it directly in the eyes and feel it suffocate your soul. It was dirty, but more so from the pollution that subsequently follows when a massive metropolis develops and advances by any means necessary. Inefficiency and disregard to the environment was abound. We decided to escape the pollution of a busy and impatient city and travel to the UNESCO site. The four of us spent two days and one night on a junk (the name given to traditional Chinese sailing ships). I am not bragging but you should have seen the size of my junk.


I returned to Korea rested and ready to attack the 65 hour work week that was rearing its ugly head for the month of January. Korean public schools are closed for an extensive period of time during the first month of the new year to presumably allow the young and overworked students a break from the bedlam that is their education system; but this is not the case. A private school, like the one I work at, jumps on this opportunity, like a pregnant woman on a jar of pickles, and decides to run an “intensive” program. So instead of allowing the students to finally enjoy some much deserved time off from learning, many young-ones are shipped off to English school where they sit in the same classroom for four hours in an attempt to instantly gain command of this ridiculous language.

For New Year’s, Kelly and I headed to the downtown area to experience the “Times Square” of Seoul. It certainly was a little pale in comparison, but amazing nonetheless. At midnight, one of the Korean gates sounded its mighty gong. As the excitement built everyone stood in the streets and launched fireworks into the crisp, New Year’s Eve sky. There were so many Roman candles being fired I think someone should consider renaming them Korean candles. I couldn’t help but reflect that an evening like this would never be possible back home; perhaps this added to the wonderment of the experience. Imagine 500,000 people able to drink legally in public, packed like smelt in a trawling net, and encouraged to launch Roman candles (being sold at the low, low price of 3 for a dollar) up into the air. Only in rule obliging Asia is such an amazing celebration able to occur.


This past weekend, a small group of us took to the slopes just outside of Seoul to enjoy some boarding and skiing. Having only been skiing once in my life, I was a little apprehensive to go and spend the day on the bunny hill by myself. But thanks to my inaugural skiing instructors wise and timeless coaching I was able to keep pace with everyone else and really embrace the slopes. Black Diamond...pff... I hear they make a nice processed cheese slice.


Without any topical introduction, the more I use a photocopier the more I am amazed with these contraptions. They’re easier to use than a self-playing piano. And when the occasional accident happens and they do in fact break down, they tell you exactly where the problem is and what you need to do to fix the situation. If only women were like that. Am I right or am I right?


To keep a jovial vibe in the teacher’s lounge during “Intensives”, Chuck, one of the latest teachers to join the SLP brigade, and I, play a game where we jot down an open ended expression that extemporaneously gets said on Monday and try to come up with as many different, and droll, endings as we can. This week I was the only male teacher at our weekly meeting for afternoon teachers, which spawned the comment:


Chuck and I on New Year's Eve

There’s more women in this room than... and this is what we’ve come up with so far (it’s Tuesday night).

• a Lilith fair concert
• at Victoria Secret on free panty day
• in Wilt Chamberlain’s little black book
• a sale at Payless
• A Sex in the City marathon in Madison Square Garden
• a Jenny Craig meeting on January 2nd
• an ammunition factory in 1945
• a town meeting on the island of Lesbo
• an Amazonian tribe
• an aquarium of pregnant praying mantis
• an OB GYN clinic
• the starting line of a 5 km walk to end breast cancer
• the line to the ladies room on opening night of The Notebook
• at a Hillary Clinton fund-raiser
• backstage at a Guns-n-Roses concert
• in Oprah’s audience
• the drawer where John Smith put all his marriage licenses


Sexily,

Dro

Angkor What!?

Somewhere between eating cow brains, feeding a monkey, riding an elephant, wearing a pair of shorts on December 25th and dining on hand-made spring rolls in a fusty and humid market the true spirit of Christmas shone through.

I must take this opportunity to announce that I have found true love. I have fallen in love with Kampuchea, the country also known as Cambodia. From the minute we stepped off the airplane I knew it was love at first sight. The people in this country are the most incredible, kind and amiable on the planet. Mark my words, I will return to this country.

I don’t have much to write for this post. I’ll just let the photos and accompanying captions say it all.


The difference between the haves and the have-nots in Siem Reap is divided along the river. The tourist part of town is on one side of the river and the rest of Cambodia is on the other side.














A sunset on Christmas eve.


Sunrise over Angkor Wat on Christmas morning. We woke up at 4:30 am to see the sun illuminate the largest religious site on the planet and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.


Our youth hostel provided us with Santa hats and candy. They also made us a Christmas dinner complete with turkey and gravy. The very young Cambodian kitchen staff received a standing ovation (literally) for their first and very successful attempt at roasting a mighty fine bird.




Kelly and I visit an orphanage on Christmas Day. We handed out copious amounts of candy and gave away a few hackie sacks and other fun toys. This girl didn't want to let go no matter how hard we tried.




No Christmas would be complete without playing a few board games, so Kelly and I taught these two hostel workers how to play Kerplunk. Their smiles were as big as watermelon slices as they became enthralled in the game. A simple yet touching moment on our trip.


Kelly and I borrow some bikes from our hostel and took to the Cambodian countryside. The people here are genuinely happy to see you; not because you're foreign, but simply because they relish interacting with people who are members of the human-race. It was heart-wrenching to see people with so little, care so much, especially when one considers how much we in the West complain even though we have so (too) much.



Enlightened and inspired,

Ian

Merry Merry quite contrary

Before I get into specifics it’s time to point out some fun but subtle, topsy-turvy things between Korea and North America. First, and most contrary is the Korean word for “Yes,” which is a drawn out, nasally “Nay.” This one is incredibly difficult for my brain to adapt to and often I am agreeing to things when really I want to say no. For the record I didn’t want the inflatable blow up doll.


In a market in Jeonju, and not a moment too soon, for I was really jonesing for some fresh, hygenic octopus.


I returned to Maisan Park, but this time I brought a friend to marvel at the pagodas. It's incredible every time I see it.

Another fun difference occurs in the classroom. All of our rooms have whiteboards and I have a small selection of markers to choose from: black, blue and red. When writing students’ names on the board one would intuitively think that it would be best to be fun and lighten the mood by using a variety of different colours. Nobody wants black all the time (Please don’t tell my friend Shaniqua I said that). So I thought I was stimulating the students and mixing things up by writing their names in red marker on the board. Little did I know, writing one’s name in red in Korea means that they are dead or an omen that they will die. Apparently, you only write the names of the deceased in red. There’s a little forewarning for any of those thinking about painting the town red in Korea.


Kelly and I leave our mark at Tapsa. We designed it using the forces of the universe.

The third difference isn’t unique to Korea; I think this one is sweeping the Asian continent. Back home dark skin is desired. There is something to be said about that golden, I just walked out of the oven, look. While many people are going to Sol Exotica and Fabutan to look like a Mrs. / Mr. Universe contestant, the exact opposite is desirable here. White is a delight, if I may speak proverbially. I have still yet to determine if Koreans are actually vampires, or people who are just afraid of the sun. Or maybe they’re just really into pantomime. If there is any trace of our fiery orbs rays then Koreans throw up an umbrella, a newspaper or a free hand – anything to preserve the anaemic look they have taken so long to create. Now, I’ve been told by many in my life that I am the whitest person they’ve ever met, but for some reason I don’t think that’s what they mean.


Went to Donghae to celebrate some birthday parties. I am not sure where this Korean lady came from, but we definitely got our dance on. She asked me if I wanted to go back her house, but, not wanting to leave my friends I politely declined by saying "nay."


What can I say. I love to grove while at noraebang.

Perhaps the paragon of backwardness is the Jedi Master himself. It’s so entertaining, (and motivating as an English teacher) to imagine that all of your students are little Yodas. “Teacher, bathroom may I go?” or “Bike riding, I went, on weekend.” And while I should not take any joy in my ineffectiveness as a teacher, it’s very difficult not to chuckle. Not good, my students, to laugh at.


I have a penchant for the claw game which is on every street and down every back alley in this country. This is what happens when gambling is made illegal.

This is the first time I will be spending the holiday season away from family and friends and while it will be difficult, I have a great group of people here to celebrate with. And also, before you start to feel too bad for me, a group of us will be going to Cambodia and Vietnam for the break. So instead of thinking about how sad it must be to be away from home this Christmas, please think of those who in your neighbourhood who might not have someone to spend time with this holiday season. It’s such a different experience over here that I think I’ll be able to manage and get through the forlornness. And while it saddens me to not be sharing a drink with you, or calling you Christmas morning, please do think of those who you can talk to and visit who might not be so fortunate.


Even Fred Astaire needed a break. So cut me a break.

Happy Holidays,

Hot blooded and romantically,

Tigerforest